No parenting without talking about the future
Angelika Kucinska’s interview with Magda Krynska. 18.01.2021| Glamour.pl
They help children from difficult homes. The Joanna Radziwill Care Wings Foundation provides its wards not only with warm meals and art classes. Above all, it gives them the tools to lead their lives according to a different script than the one written by conditions in their family homes. This, in turn, translates into a better future for society as a whole. We talk to Magda Krynska, vice president and co-founder of the foundation.
Angelika Kucińska: Do you talk to your charges about the future?
Magda Krynska: Of course, it’s hard to imagine raising a child without discussing this topic with them. We talk to children about who they are, what they like to do, what gives them pleasure and what they are strong in. We want them to think today about what may await them in the future. Such thinking stimulates creativity, shows how much depends on ourselves, and at the same time prompts them to do more already here and now. We try to show children that every day they create their future and work for it, encourage them to be active.
How do your kids see their future? Do they want to talk about it?
Very different. Some children are very reflective. They realize that they are on a certain path and who they are today and what they do today will affect who they will be in the future. Then there are those children who find it difficult to think about the future because they are anchored in their family problems, difficulties. This situation makes their ability to think, to reflect limited. They are not taught to think about themselves, they run away from questions that are difficult for them, which are related to their identity and difficult everyday life.
In our house, we talk to our children a lot, we ask them a lot of questions. We don’t always expect answers right now. Sometimes a child needs time, space to answer them. It is worth asking children questions, putting them in situations where they can define themselves, their position, their voice. In this way we help them build their “self”.
And what kind of future would YOU want for the children you help?
I would like our children to accept and like themselves, to be open to what is different and new, to be tolerant. I would like each of them to consciously follow the path they have chosen, to be able to dream and make those dreams come true. Regardless of what kind of home they were born in and what conditions they grew up in.
You said about liking yourself. Do children have a problem with self-acceptance?
A common characteristic of all our children is low self-esteem. Every child who comes to us struggles with this problem. We show them that they are cool, that they have different talents, that they can have different interests. We discover their strengths together with them. When children see that they are good at something and are successful, their self-esteem increases and pays off in other spheres of life as well
For me, what you are doing is not just about fighting for a better future for each individual child. It’s also about working for a better future for the entire adult society that these children will one day co-create.
Whenever I think of our children, I get chills. And now that I’ve heard this phrase, I have them too. In our foundation it is like a family home. We know all our children well. We know their weaknesses and like them even more strongly for them. At the moment we have twenty-nine wards. This is the kind of number that allows us to know the children well and help them. We know their family situations, their needs, their difficulties. We are crazy happy when we see our children grow into good, smiling, kind, helpful people. We know this is happening because some of our charges are already adults or are just entering adulthood. We are proud that they have grown into smart, good people. We know that things could have been different, that these children could have grown up to be unhappy, embarrassed, hidden, rebellious, angry at the world. We are very proud of the success of our children, our graduates. They are beautiful sensitive young people. Goodness begets goodness
As Joanna Radziwill’s Caring Wings Foundation, you run family homes. What does that mean in practice?
We try to create a second home for children. A second one, because the children have their family homes, but for various reasons they can’t get in them what every child needs to develop properly. Therefore, we create a place for them where they can feel safe, are accepted, and where they can develop. This is not just a second home for the children, but also for us, the educators, the foundation staff, and our volunteers. A warm, safe place that we miss when we are not here for a few days. It happens that we accompany a child for up to a dozen years. The time we spend with the children allows us to enter into a very close relationship with them and build bonds like in a real family.
What happens to such a child who comes to you after school? My guess is that it doesn’t sit idle.
We wait for our children every day – it’s important that already when they enter the house, they feel that we are waiting for them. There is also always a second breakfast waiting for the children. Later, there is time for rest, and then the children sit down to their lessons. Our tutors and volunteers help the children with homework and catching up on schoolwork. We provide speech therapy, psychological therapies, English and math lessons. Children are also provided with home-cooked lunches with us. I would like to add that lunches are cooked by our graduate, who used to come to us, and is now our children’s beloved aunt, with whom they cook and bake cookies together. After lunch, various developing activities await the children. We conduct workshops for them aimed at developing social skills. We teach tolerance, creative thinking, cooperation in a group. We conduct art classes to sensitize children to art, to its reception and to its creation. We offer a variety of sports activities. Children and teenagers love the swimming pool and activities in the trampoline park. Recently, the younger group especially loved the bicycle classes, where children learned to ride BMX stunt bikes. Every child can find an area with us where they can find themselves, appreciate themselves, see that they are special. This really gives the children confidence in themselves. Daily activities are an important, constant part of the work with the children, but no less important is the atmosphere of the house and the sharing of holidays, celebration of birthdays and important events in the lives of the children and staff. The children feel that our foundation house is their true home, a safe asylum where they experience family, warmth and the magic of moments spent together.
Children who come to you always come from difficult homes where there is alcohol or violence?
Yes, alcohol and violence are very common problems experienced by our children.
Often in adulthood we repeat scenarios from our family homes. Do your children manage to change the script?
This is our goal. We observe that our children’s parents often duplicate scenarios from their family homes. We do not uproot children from their families, but show them that there is another way. That they can go differently, further, that they can do more, that they can see the world in a wider palette of colors. We have charges who have grown up and prove that this scenario can be changed. One can be abandoned by one’s parents, come from a difficult, alcoholic, violent home, and grow up to be a smart, aware person who dreams and pursues his dreams. However, he must be lucky enough to come across people on his path who will help him achieve this, wrap him in warmth and confidence in his abilities. It is a long and beautiful road. It requires heart, patience and repetition.
And how do children get to you?
Often through friends in the yard, from whom they learn about us. We cooperate with social welfare homes, with probation officers.
Wait, if kids are recommending your foundation to each other in the backyard, that means you have created a place where kids really want to be.
These referrals are often the best, because from such referrals we get children who are very needy, often very motivated to be with us. Motivation comes in handy, because in order to develop, to overcome one’s weaknesses, difficulties, work and effort is needed on the part of the child. We also require children to come to us regularly. We know that real change in children’s lives can only happen when they are with us regularly for a longer period of time.
Do you have contact with adult wards?
Yes. Precisely because the wards are with us sometimes for several years at a time, that our foundation is a second family home for them, our relationships are strong. When they grow up, they still want to be with us, and we want to continue being with them. I am touched when they invite us to their weddings, to their children’s baptisms, when we can accompany them to important moments in their adult lives. They also often say that the time spent with us is their best childhood memories, to which they often and eagerly return. It’s a resource that pays off in their adult lives.
You make a living from donations. Are Poles eager to help?
We are surrounded by wonderful people, with good hearts, who want to help and support our foundation by participating in the aid programs we run: “Big Plate” and “Caring Wings”. Through these programs, you can support a specific child. However, it is known that in order to support a bunch of children, you need huge funds to buy food, organize activities, pay household bills. These funds are still scarce… We are looking for donors, sponsors.
What came first for you: the desire to help in general or the desire to help children specifically?
Helping children. I am an educator by training, but I have liked children since childhood. I have a weakness for them and sensitivity to their needs. I am incredibly touched by how much we can give to a child and what influence we have on their future. Today the profession of pedagogy is heavily underestimated, meanwhile a good pedagogue can have a tremendous impact on the lives of his pupils, shape their openness, creativity, show them the way, help them reach what is sometimes hidden, unconscious. What power there is here!
Do your children learn from you, and do you learn from your children?
Of course we do. We offer each other a lot. I, for example, get a lot of energy from children. Children with their positive energy make us not grow old.
Useful with pleasant!
Definitely. Even though I have a wonderful family, the most wonderful daughter in the world, a bunch of dogs and a sea of love, I very much appreciate what we all get at our foundation house: a sense of community, rootedness, positive energy coming from the children, staff, volunteers and ambassadors. It’s a magical place that attracts good, positive people. Those who have experienced this magic want to come back here. It is a great happiness to create and be part of such a place.
